The damage by "SORRY"

Did the title shock you? Maybe a little.
You must be thinking, how can a sorry do any damage? The word is usually used to apologize.

Afterall, it's the simplest and easiest band-aid used by people for anything and everything they do everyday.

"Sorry" is kind of best available and affordable glue used to fix broken things, just like fevi-quick.

(No, I'm not promoting the product)

I do understand that we are all human beings, and we would definitely make mistakes and hence we should be open and receptive to apologies and apologize wherever required. And saying sorry is the best way, but is it really?

As per the definition, the word sorry has two meanings:-
1. Feeling regret or penitence
2. Feeling sad or distressed through sympathy with someone else's misfortune, used to express compassion

And I am going to refer and focus on the first meaning in this blog and that's way more important.

I remember my days from the Aviation & Hospitality management, where our first point of contact used to be Shonan Ma'am, the branch coordinator. I used to admire her energy, positivity, assertiveness, nature and  everything you list for a strong lady you admire.

She used to say "you can't shoot a person and say sorry". At that point of time this phrase didn't trigger me the way it triggered me during my working years in corporate. I'm always thankful to her for making us realize the value of being "cautious" of our actions instead of plastering the damage done with just a word "sorry", because you would never be able equalise the impact of the damage done.

I am sure you get the hint by now, the word "sorry" should not be used as a cover up, excuse, runaway or formality. We, as humans should think of fellow humans everytime, that's how the humanity lives longer.

We all know that some people behave differently when they're angry, had difficult day at work, had a spat with their partner or friends etc. There's nothing wrong in feeling those emotions as we're all humans but if that affected person goes out and affect others with their behaviour or actions, that's the serious damage you see.

The damage can be of any kind, physical, emotional, social, financial - tangible or intangible, so it would really take an effort to really be a human, think through before any action, like why to even do something you're going to be sorry for.

I agree that sometimes, it is all unintentional but a let's do a reality check... how many times have you gone back to the people you hurted or were somehow impacted by your actions? Ever genuinely confessed that you did wrong or you wish to make up for what went wrong beyond words.

And trust me, I'm no saint myself and totally understand how our big enemy named "ego" strikes us even when we really want to do it. There are many times when that urge of giving rude answer, ignore someone, make fun, trick someone into something, breaking trust, throw those tantrums and attitude, pass those judgemental comments, spread rumours etc. knocks our mind multiple times. And yes, it is easiest to justify our actions by blaming the situation or the other people, however that is exactly where we need to be human, being cautious and conscious of our actions and this takes effort.

It's not easy and will never be, therefore you see the world thrashing around but you have a choice to decide whether you want to flow with that kind of energy and thought process or actually take a pause, evaluate your choices in mind, and choose an action that brings positive impact to those around you.

I don't think this needs any kind of examples or illustrations, if you're reading this till now, you and I are already connected with a thread of same mindset.

At the same time, I would also like to add that there are situations when we end up being sorry or apologetic for someone else's mistake or attitude. Personally, I don't appreciate it nor encourage it but I believe that we should also have the capability to fight or overcome such situations.

I have come across many instances in my own career life when I had to work extra hours, extra shifts, apologize for missed closure because the person in previous shift didn't do it, sometimes the accountable person didn't respond or action on critical points, someone expecting me to do their job just because they don't want to learn how to, there are times I have to remind other people to do their jobs & they act like they're doing a favor to me, or just keep passing the box to someone or other and I thought I was being nice by doing this and not bringing up to people's knowledge about the actual loopholes. I realised that I was saying "sorry" for the things I'm not even responsible for, instead of the actual people who were accountable. This really damaged my image at work that I'm the one who's not doing it RIGHT. Not sure if you're able to relate but it's really hard to survive in corporate if you're not clever and clearly I wasn't.

However I'm grateful for all these experiences, this made me realise my worth, the repercussions, and what I should not be.

In fact, I learnt to be more assertive, transparent with the ownership of actions. 

Imagine how the world would be if every person takes the responsibility of their own actions that would impact any living being, and each one going an extra step of conscious decision to choose the response that brings positive outcome. Won't the world be serene, lovely, welcoming and happier. 

So here are some simple points to ponder:-

1. The situations may occur but learn to evaluate those

2. The word "sorry" shouldn't be used as a band-aid as that can never equalise the damage already done

3. It would be nice to put a little extra effort to decide on your choices of response instead of reacting

4. That extra step of pausing and deciding your action may save someone from the damage (any kind)

5. And just imagine the change of impact you can brings to those around you, just by your choise of positive action

So save your super power of choice to save others from damage. It can be in any form so start choosing your decisions from today.

It's is the "butterfly effect", they say that a butterfly flapping its wings in Africa can cause a hurricane in Florida.